1. The time difference. This is the biggest issue because it just makes all my other issues bigger. I can’t look at trending topics on Twitter without seeing spoilers. Don’t be a smart ass and tell me to just not look at trending topics. Like that’s gonna happen. Also, a bunch of athletes are tweeting about whatever the fucks. The internet is one big spoiler.
2. Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte. I see them similar to Ricky Booby and Cal Naughton Jr. Remember when Cal says, “Nothing’s wrong with Silver!” and Ricky Bobby agrees? RYAN LOCHTE IS AND FOREVER WILL BE CAL NAUGHTON JR. He needs to calm the fuck down and let Michael just take this home for us. Really, it’s his last Olympics. Like, just let him have it and Ryan can take it in 2016. Shit. I am so upset. AND! To make it worse, the time difference has spoiled it for me. So I have to wait until prime time to see Phelps take Silver, but what’s the point? I already know what happened. Phelps needs to stop being a little bitch and take this more seriously or else Lochte is gonna take it all.
3. Ryan Lochte as the anchor in the relay. Whoever thought that was a good idea needs to come talk to me. France took Gold. Do I need to say that again? FRANCE. Lochte, if you’re gonna swim like that, why even show up? Also, the idea that he threw it just so Phelps wouldn’t get another Gold is such a nasty thing to put out there. That makes me sad.
4. Who the fuck thought it was okay to make THE PERFECT Brian Williams commentate Water Polo?! He is better than that. Gotta do better, NBC.
Kobe Bryant is the only person who can do no wrong at this point. It doesn’t matter what he does, ever. I won’t ever be mad at Kobe. Make me 105, baby.